Creating Space to Come Out in the Workplace

A guest post from Team Member Alex Shockley: Manager, The Hilton Effect Foundation and one of our leads from Hilton's Pride Team Member Resource Group (TMRG)

Your first day on the job is never easy – countless new names to remember, a new environment to familiarize with and company jargon to learn. The most common advice I have received for a first day at a new job is to ‘be yourself.’ In theory, this is great advice for individuals looking to quickly become comfortable amongst new colleagues, but imagine ‘if ‘being yourself’ involves disclosing an identity that was not always widely accepted by members of society. I became a Hilton Team Member in 2017 and now serve as the McLean Site Lead for our Pride Team Member Resource Group (one of Hilton’s many resource groups for employees that identify with diverse communities). Although I had already been out in my personal life for more than a year, it took me nearly 16 months to fully come out in the workplace. Sexual orientation and gender identity are two qualities of an individual that can’t be seen by the human eye – they require disclosure and confirmation by the individual. Most living generations today were raised in a world that adopted a binary system for qualities like gender identity, sexual orientation and gender expression, meaning an individual was either one or the other. The traditional ‘norm’ and what was historically expected of every individual is that individuals are attracted to the opposite sex, men are masculine and women are feminine. Over the last 50 years, however, portions of the world have come to realize that human qualities like given sex, gender identity, sexual orientation and gender expression are not black and white, but instead exist on spectrums. While the LGBTQ+ movement and advancement of rights have increased significantly, historical biases and perceptions are so deeply engrained in humanity that it’s difficult for many to move on to true acceptance and equality. No matter where you work, coming out in the workplace is not easy nor simple. It takes courage, strength and, most importantly, trust. Many LGBTQ+ individuals spend months if not years in the workplace examining their fellow coworkers to determine their views and opinions of the LGBTQ+ community. Do they accept those that are gay? Will I be stereotyped if I come out? Will I make them uncomfortable? A groundbreaking study by the Human Rights Campaign found that engagement from LGBTQ+ employees suffered up to 30% due to unwelcoming environments in the workplace. This validates why the burden of coming out in the workplace does not single-handedly rely on the employee, it falls on their employer and more specifically the individual’s manager. Coming out at work depends upon allies to create the space for Team Members to feel comfortable in openly sharing their identity. While it did take me many months to fully come out at Hilton, I have found my experience to be extremely positive and welcomed by my colleagues. I would like to preface that I am not an expert, but here are a few actions that I have found helpful in creating a safe space for me to openly share my sexual orientation.

Don’t make assumptions.

Personally, my coworkers’ assumption of my sexual orientation was the greatest barrier to coming out at work. Getting asked “So, do you have a girlfriend?” doesn’t simplify the coming out process in the workplace. Employees should avoid presumptuous and non-inclusive language as much as possible, especially when first getting to know a colleague. There is nothing wrong with wanting to become friendly with your coworkers and know them on a personal level, but try using more non-presumptuous, non-gendered questions like “Are there are any significant others in your life?” and replace phrases like “Hey man” or “Welcome guys” with “Hi there” or “Welcome folks.”

Create an inclusive space and open your door.

While it is ultimately the decision of the individual to come out at work, teammates can create a welcoming environment that makes the decision much easier. Take small actions like hanging a Pride flag in your office, adding pronouns to your email signature or sharing a LGBTQ+ friendly article on LinkedIn. Each of these actions go far in letting Team Members know you are accepting of all identities without even saying a word. Taking the time to educate oneself is also key. It isn’t the sole responsibility of diverse individuals to educate peers about their community – be proactive and check out the Human Rights Campaign employer resources to become comfortable with these topics. Managers and teammates should also remember that creating an inclusive space is a continuous commitment. For LGBTQ+ Team Members, coming out is not a one-time experience. Anytime they are introduced to a new person, the individual must consider the process over again and decide if they would like to come out.

Step up, not aside.

Hilton has so many inclusive and accepting Team Members which is extremely helpful to their peer LGBTQ+ teammates, but there is more to being an ally than just saying you accept them. Being an ally also means being an advocate. It’s an ally’s responsibility to step up for their fellow LGBTQ+ Team Members and support them in the workplace. Imagine sitting in a client meeting or at your hotel pre-shift huddle with a coworker that is a transgender woman and someone keeps referring to the room as “you guys.” In moments like these, having a coworker step up to impose an inclusive environment is key to validating the individual’s identity and ensuring they feel not only comfortable, but safe. My personal experience of coming out at Hilton has been overwhelmingly positive, but that does not mean this is the case for all our Team Members around the world. There are still several countries and societies that do not accept same-sex relationships between consenting adults. Every single one of us, including myself, can be a better ally to members of the LGBTQ+ community. Through actions like the ones above, we can truly demonstrate Hilton as a Great Place to Work and honor our recognition as a “Best Place to Work for LGBTQ Equality!” by the Human Rights Campaign. And maybe one day, Hilton and the greater world will be such an inclusive place that there won’t even be a need to ‘come out,’ LGBTQ+ individuals could simply be ‘out.’ *For further explanation on given sex, gender identity, sexual orientation and gender expression I suggest this great article: https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/summer-2015/sex-sexual-orientation-gender-identity-gender-expression Are you interested in reading more inspiring Hilton Team Member stories? Check out our Instagram @hiltoncareers.

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Creating Space to Come Out in the Workplace

Don’t make assumptions.

Create an inclusive space and open your door.

Step up, not aside.

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